My Horrible, Sad, No-good, Hard Week

I endured a horrible, sad, no-good, hard week.

My best friend moved far, far away, and now over 5,000 miles of land and ocean lie between us. She is not just the regular, run-of-the-mill BFF, but one who lived with my family on and off for years ( you can read more about that here).

She became more than a friend; she became a sister to my husband and me, and an auntie to my children. We went grocery shopping together, cooked dinner alongside one another, and sipped early morning coffee with each other. She joined us for several family vacations, most holidays, and was there for all the ordinary in-between days. You know, the days where true relationship forms, builds and grows.

“How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.”
A.A. Milne

I’m the first to admit goodbyes prove difficult for me.

I cried tons when my older two went off to college, and when my husband worked out of town for long periods of time. I am a deep feeler. This farewell seems especially hard because we know the move is permanent. She now lives in another country, so travel will have to be intentional. I can’t just hop in the car and drive to see her or call her over to ask her opinion on something. Her absence feels palpable, and while she isn’t gone forever (she IS still alive), I truly miss having her here. Even our two dogs keep looking around the house for her.

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Life is full of events, both good and bad, that serve as natural junctures in our own narrative. Handling the good times in life is easy, and there’s usually time to prepare for things like a wedding, a graduation, and the baby’s birth. There’s no preparation for the bad occasions, though. They are more difficult to manage, and we want to flee to find refuge.

 

We all experience loss and grief over things on one level or another. We grieve over the death of a loved one, the loss of a job, leaving a church, or observing injustice. We feel loss at the end of a friendship, when sending a child off to college, going through unwanted change, or in divorce.

What about those tough situations looming on the horizon? How do we brace ourselves for those? How do we prepare for impending circumstances? Do we hold our breaths in anticipation, or do we make room for the pain? Do we welcome hard changes or resist them?

 

No one wants to bear all the emotions that go alongside difficult occurrences.

Experiencing grief, sadness, loneliness, or suffering is painful, and according to Timothy Keller, “there is seldom a place provided for lamentation in the church, and many people do not give sufferers the freedom to weep and cry out.” Walking with God through Pain and Suffering. Have you found that to be true?

 

Our society doesn’t embrace loss or grief well. In America, we are expected to move quickly through the stages of grief and then not talk about the loss too much. Ongoing grief doesn’t fit with American ideals about being strong and resilient.

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There is that tension that exists between wanting to immediately get rid of the hurt and pain, but also knowing we have to walk through it to reach the other side to healing. I have experienced grief before and remember that the pain lessens with time, though sometimes it never fully leaves. I know that grief comes in waves, at unexpected times, and can linger right below the surface. What I also know is this: The Holy Spirit is my comforter. Though I would rather run from pain, it is healthier to walk through it with God right at my side. So, I cry out to God and invite Him to sit with me and my tears.

 

What solace I get from knowing God’s promise in Isaiah 43:2, “When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you.’ ESV. Through any potential obstacle, God promises to be with us.

His presence is there through the toughest of circumstances. His name is Immanuel meaning God with us. So, there is no need to run, to panic, or to fear when walking through hard things/strong emotions because we trust Jesus to be right at our side. He loves us immeasurably and wants to comfort us.

So, was my week really a horrible, sad, no-good hard week?

I can honestly say that yes, it was sad and hard, but there was plenty of good, too. School began again, so there’s a new rhythm to the weekdays; there was a birthday celebration; and a get-together with friends. My best friend found a lovely apartment and is excited about her new beginnings. Isn’t that how life is, though? Joys are mixed with sorrows.

 

God’s plans for you are always good, even in unwanted change, sadness, or grief. You realize you can do hard things because God is your strength.

How do you carry on when it hurts? You breathe, you move forward one step at a time, and you let the newness of what’s next for you to take place. You say, “Come, Lord Jesus, come, and walk with me.” With a loss, there is a finding, the finding of what’s ahead in the fresh season. God will bring you something beautiful out of the ashes. This I know is true.

 

“To bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair.” Isaiah 61:3